Summer Cleaning?

I spent Saturday in Las Vegas. I needed it. I needed a break from everything I have been going through. I needed to clear my head and just relax. And I tried to do that. I laid by the pool and got some sun, napped in the room, saw a couple shows, spent some time with friends, and when I was maxed out... I drove home at 3am with nothing but my thoughts and whatever music I could find on the radio. It just helped give me some clarity, some direction, some peace. Nothing more in this life that I need right now than peace.

I'm going to take the GRE again. Try to get into Grad School. I am a lifelong student, and I might as well get into a program that I can use someday. Even if I don't become a famous fiction writer, I can share my craft with the young people of this world and teach them it is okay to escape. That writing is the best way to do just that.

Ask Dad to pay for the $400 class. Fingers crossed he doesn't say no. If he does, well, I guess I will have to do it the old fashioned way.

Staying Positive

Inevitably at some point in your life you are going to feel like you are drowning. Sinking into darkness, not knowing which was is up so you can know which way to kick to get to the surface and refill your lungs with the air you took for granted for so long.

Lately it feels as if I have been drowning. I can see the surface, but no matter how hard I kick I can't seem to get above to breathe.

I have been unable to find a job where I am paid what I am worth and I can use my education. My romantic life is floundering because I get stuck on the wrong person who, no matter how hard I try, wont notice me. My finances are shot, I do my best to pay my bills with the little income I have, but it doesn't seem like enough. The only thing I have to look forward to is laying down at night and sleeping, in hopes that all my thoughts and fears will disappear while I am in dreamland.

While it can be overwhelming at times, I have been trying to stay positive, remember that things like this usually are temporary and I will get through it. Remember the things in my life that I have to look forward to. Like my nephews wonderful laugh, snuffy kisses in the morning from my dog, memories I have yet to make with my friends, things that I have yet to see and do... and it helps me continue kicking, holding my breath just a little while longer because I know I will make it to the surface.

Things will get better. Just keep swimming. Eventually I will break the surface.

~K

Pairing

This morning when I was leaving for work I saw a stray dog hurry across my yard. Shortly afterwards, perhaps a sibling dog followed behind. I thought it was interesting the way that most species pair up in life, even though they could potentially live fine on their own. It made me wonder what their story was. Whether they were siblings, or partners... How long they had been traveling together, if there was more to their pack, where their owners might be. And it got me to thinking about humans.

When other humans see a single human walking about, do they wonder what that person's story is? Why they don't have a pack? Or if they see a pair of humans, do they automatically assume they are romantically involved? It is interest to follow the human mind. The thought processes are so... erratic. We all have the ability to create other people's lives and tell other people's stories in our heads just from a glance.

Just a thought.

~K

Pushing That Paper

Somehow I managed to find a job to pay my bills. It is not really where I saw myself at this point in my life, but no one ever really sees themselves losing their jobs, not getting unemployment and running out of money (even though half of America is suffering the same problem right now). This will be a stepping stone in my life, and I just need money. I don't see myself doing this long term. I don't know, I'm not much into real estate. Just need a job to pay the bills.

Other than that, hoping to get back into a routine of going to the gym and eating healthy once I can afford food. I've been getting soft around the middle and I'm not too keen on that.

Had quite the adventure at the hair salon last Friday. Needless to say, came out with purple hair and Mom is livid because she was there to supervise the whole thing. Ha.

~K