God Hates Me.

Granted, I don't blame him, I haven't exactly been a saint my entire life, but when you're jonesing for chocolate in the middle of a day and you're pretty sure you're PMSing even though you're not supposed to because you are in birth control, and all you want is a freakin' candy-bar... you don't have the machine repeatedly spit out the dollar, and then have the soda machine not give you change in which to get said chocolate.

I settled with a diet coke. Not nearly as delicious, but I am sure it is better for me.

Right now I am mulling over the Julie/Julia project (I recently saw the movie, and now am reading the blog - quite entertaining) ... It makes me think back to all of the projects I've started and never finished, like my novel. I went to write last night and as my fingers sat idly on the keyboard I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Nothing came out. I just stared. Maybe I'll develop a mind-altering drug addiction to help me write. I need to set a goal and stick with it for a change... Do something to give my life meaning, and I haven't found anything.

I enjoyed running. And I'm not allowed to do that anymore because my back is messed up (possibly for the rest of my life). I enjoy eating and cooking, but what is the point since my stomach is the size of a golf-ball and I'll end up barfing... I enjoyed writing, until my muse abandoned me and has left me sitting in darkness for god-knows-how-long... I enjoy children, but as we all know, I'll most likely never get to have THOSE either.

When your life has no meaning or direction, what do you do? How do you figure out what direction to go? I'm like a compass that doesn't point north, just keeps spinning... and I'm getting dizzy.